I haven't written in awhile, I know. But, a lot happened yesterday. I might as well get right to the point.
First of all, I wanted to note that I bought a Chi at the mall yesterday. I feel like I should get a bumpersticker or a shirt that said, "Proud Owner of a Chi" Ugh, my poor attempts at being lighthearted fail miserably... Anyway, let's get to the point.
Last night was the band dance. Lauren bet me 1 credibility point that Nick would ask me to dance. At the very begining of the dance, I was determined to keep my credibility point. By the end of the evening, I just wanted to dance with him. But, he never asked me. He was too busy dancing with Christy. -sigh- I really, really, wanted to dance with him, and he didn't ask me. The last slow song of the night was... take a guess. "Don't Wanna Close My Eyes" by Aerosmith. The same song that he danced with Lauren during at the Recognition Dance. So, I was standing there, dancing with some guy I didn't even know, and I was almost crying. I mean... how wierd is that? Anyway, that ended, the lights came back on, and everyone was hugging each other. He finally came up to me, and hugged me, and whispered in my ear, "Bye, Katy." That made me feel even more like crying. Shards, just to hear that... I went outside, to wait for my ride. He came outside, too, and we were just kind of standing there, without talking. So, finally, I asked him, "Can I talk to you for a second?" I took him over to a spot where we could possibly talk privately. I was -terrified-, because I was about to confess to him that I liked him. I just took a deep breath, and started talking. "This is kind of dumb but... I like you this year." I stood there, for a split second, waiting for him to laugh, or tell me that he didn't like me at all. He started talking, "Yeah, I-" but got cut off, when my sister, and several other people just walked up to us and started talking. I was unbelievably pissed. And, to make it worse, they wouldn't go away! I started yelling at my sister to go away for just a second, and he was telling the rest of the people to leave. Finally, they did. He said, "Can I call you later? I really need to talk to you." I gave him my phone number.
-sigh- I'm so dumb. I'm stupid. I actually thought he was going to call me, and talk to me. How could I have even believed, for a second, that he might like me? How -could- he like me? I really need to talk to him, but he hasn't called me, and I doubt that he will. I'm desperate to sort this out, because, I need to know what he feels for me. I really, really, do. I'm tempted to call -him-, but I don't think I would be able to. I wish he would call me, but I don't want to hope, because I know he probably isn't going to. He probably likes Christy or Julie, or any of the other girls that seem somehow to be better than me. I hate this. I just want to scream. Actually, I want to talk to him. Please call, please call... I keep thinking that over and over in my mind, as if somehow it will make him call me. But it won't. He's not going to. I need to stop thinking about it, stop thinking about something that's never going to happen. I need to talk to him so badly. I'm considering calling Lauren, and getting her to call him and tell him to call me... But, ugh. That's so childish. Why can't I just call him myself? Or, better yet, why doesn't he just call me? Why am I even being stupid?
Yeah. I guess that's it. I could write for hours about this, but I won't. I thought that maybe committing it to writing would help get it off my mind, but it hasn't help. In fact, it's made me think about it more. I can't stand thinking about it like this... I just wish he would freaking call! Why do guys have to be so... ugh? Did he think about me, even for a second, after I left last night? Has he even considered calling me? Have I spent my time crying over someone who doesn't even have feelings for me? I never realized what I felt for him until today. I woke up, from a horrible dream, needing more than anything to hear his voice. If I could hear his voice, everything would be okay...