I had such an odd dream this afternoon, when I took my nap. I will elaborate on it, because, there is often meaning in such dreams....
I was at school, only it wasn't -my- school. It was a school I had never been to, and yet I seemed to be able to navigate with ease. I can only remember the very last part of the dream. Lauren and I were leaving, and we wanted to catch Nick, and ask him something. It was a question about... who he wanted to go to the dance with, or something along those lines. We couldn't catch him, and when he got outside, he just... disappeared. So, Lauren and I went to this odd, crystal ball- type thingy, with wierd swirls, that slightly resembled the Earth. And I was -talking- to it. I was yelling into it, begging someone to talk to me. I knew who I was talking to, but he wouldn't answer me, not through the crystal. And, so, I had no choice. I had to dream... Lauren and I both touched the crystal thing, and we kind of.. well, jumped into it, odd as that may seem. It was like, dreaming in my dream. We ended up in ancient Rome, or somewhere like it. I went searching, and found the person I was looking for. Even in person, he wouldn't speak to me. I told him how much I loved him, and begged him to tell me how he felt. He wouldn't. He simply left, walking away from me, unchanged, impassive. I followed him. Later, when he was coming into.. I don't know, -somewhere-, I saw him again. Two women were running ahead of him, one with dark hair, the other with light hair. The one with dark hair ran straight to her husband, but the one with blonde, curely hair didn't seem to have a husband. I only had to look at the woman with blonde hair, and then back at... the guy I was in love with, I don't know his name, so I think I'll just call him.. "S". I don't know why, but "S" seems fitting. I think he was supposed to represent.. uhm, some guy I know. Back to the dream.
I only had to look at the woman with curly hair, and then back at "S", to know that he loved her, and she loved him. And I snapped. I like.. tackled "S", pinning him to the ground. I was sobbing, yelling, hating him and loving him all at the same time. I asked him if he loved her, and he wouldn't answer. I pleaded with him to tell me how he felt about me, and my pleas were met by stony silence. I pounded his chest with my hands, reduced to a pitiful creature, dominated by my desperation. Then, I stood up, and let him go. He left without a second glance backwards. Later, I walked into the room where he was, with a lot of his friends. I addressed his friends, first, thanking them for... for something. And then, I turned to look at him. Our eyes met for one single, electric moment. I asked him, one more time, to tell me how he felt. He put his head in his hands. I couldn't tell if he was laughing, or crying, but I think that either way, there were tears running down his cheeks. I left. And I woke up, in the dream, I was back at school.
I remember, in the dream, feeling as though my destruction would come from my despair, from my -wondering.- The fact that I would never know how he felt about me... that was agony in itself.
The rest of it is of little significance. I just avoided getting a group picture taken, and started talking to Will and a hott friend of his. -shrug- Now, on to real life.
I really like him. I do. I thought I didn't, but, I was wrong. I haven't had any real contact with him in.. four and a half days, and I'm finding that, hard, somehow. It's definately odd. I'm at the point where I just want to know how he feels. If he doesn't like me, I can just say, okay, fine, I understand, and go on. But if he does... I'm considering just asking him. This constant wondering is more painful than rejection could ever be... -sigh- Tommorow is Monday. I've made up my mind. I'm going to find out, somehow. Somehow...
Another entry soon.